For anyone going into therapy for the very first time, the idea of spending 45 minutes each week (or more, if you attend multiple times per week) with someone solely attentive to your words, feelings, and thoughts may seem daunting. It may feel a bit invasive, as being that openly honest and vulnerable is not an experience most of us get to have all of the time in our daily lives. We often don't put into words our deepest fears, our greatest aspirations, our dreams, our fantasies, and our desires and say them out loud to ourselves, let alone with someone bearing witness. But there is power in doing so. Sometimes people wonder how therapy works, and it may seem to outsiders that there is some magical process where they go into treatment and come out mysteriously feeling better. The "magic" of therapy, is in many ways this simple process of putting your thoughts and feelings into words, and allowing another person to recognize you in this state of candid vulnerability.
In some ways, it may feel easier if you're in a state of crisis. Some people wait until things have gotten so bad, they have no choice but to finally "bite the bullet" and seek therapy. At that point, a person may feel so desperate to feel better, they are willing to tolerate the idea of needing therapy in the first place, and of going to a complete stranger to reveal to them what they may perceive as their "worst" qualities or states of mind. But it doesn't need to be this way. Therapy is not some shameful thing you do when "there is something wrong with you," or when "you aren't strong enough to cope on your own," or when you are "weak" or "crazy."
Therapy is something you pursue for a wide array of healthy reasons, and one of them is to work on the relationship you have with yourself, as this affects all other areas of Life. Having a dedicated space with a professional listening attentively to you, and ideally being so attuned with your experience in each moment that they may even sense what you don't say (but do not invade your boundaries by insisting you talk about these things before you are ready), is not usually something you can consistently find in any other relationship.
I have found that often in conversation with other people, there is only a limited percentage of attention given to what I am trying to say; at the same time, they are partially associating to issues relevant in their life, planning their next response which may cause them to miss a key component of the communication, or they may be distracted by any number of things (cell phones, apps, and other media are a major culprit of this distraction). I too am guilty of this in my personal relationships, although I try not to be. As a psychologist in a session with my patients, my goal is to remain consistently present and to be attuned to the entirety of my patient's experience. If my mind does start to wander, I try to connect the associations I am having to something relevant to the therapeutic relationship or what my patient is trying to communicate. But I digress; the title of this post is "What am I supposed to talk about in therapy?"
You will likely get a different answer to this question from every person you ask. My response, is that you are not "supposed" to talk about anything in particular; the space and time is yours, to use as you wish. I would say instead, that in therapy you can feel free to talk about anything that enters your mind at any given moment, whether it seems relevant or important or not. The truth is, I think there is meaning in every communication, and there is no aspect of your experience as a human being that I would deem irrelevant. It's not my place to do so. If you have something you want to express, then it is important and worthy of being heard.
To provide a more colorful list of some common topics people might wish to discuss, I have written the following: family relationships; romantic relationships; relationships in general; work life and aspirations; their dreams at night; their relationship to food, or sex, or their bodies, or desire in general; attachment; intuition; trauma; navigating social interactions; fears; spiritual and/or religious beliefs and practices; infidelity; rage; major accomplishments!; recent or upcoming changes; a marriage; being single; sexual and gender identity; race, culture, & societal expectations; self-deprivation & over-indulgence; parents, children, spouses, & other relatives; shame & guilt; aging; loss; depression, sadness, & grief; anxiety; self-destructive tendencies; perceptions of reality & others' labeling of this experience; shifting mood states; personal quirks; masturbation & their relationship to it; sleeping or insomnia; diet; feelings of safety or a lack of safety in the world; alcohol & drugs (their own use or someone else's); major life milestones; bathroom habits; voices; conspiracies; war; politics; survival; random thoughts; their feelings, thoughts, & theories about me; the list could go on indefinitely.
So in short, my answer to the question "What am I supposed to talk about in therapy?" is "Anything you want. I am listening."